Torn Apart
by ellie C
Summary: Sydney and Vaughn go on a mission after her two year dissappearance. It becomes obviouse to Vaughn that Sydney needs him.
1. Default Chapter

THANK YOU LUCKY PUPPY FOR TELLING ME TO PUT A DISCLAIMER

THIS IS MY DISCLAIMER, I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS! I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING!

And the sign says "the words of the profit are written on the subway wall."

If you have ever lost two years of your life and then come back to find that your whole life has been torn open and then sewn back together by one of those little kids who poked themselves so many times there is more blood on the sewing than there is thread, then you know how I feel. Unfortunately not many people have gone through that so I'm left all by myself. You know it's funny, if you had asked me two years ago if I would want to kill myself if what happened to me actually happened, I would answer no because Vaughn would be there for me. WRONG. Wrong again Syd. He moved on real quick that one. You were so naïve. Come on, like he would really put up with waiting around. You aren't THAT important. Funny how I used to think I actually was.

For all my early years, all the years in which I was a child, I felt the same way I feel now. Alone, scared, hopeless, ready to cry but aware that crying would do nothing. It's as if I'm stuck in this little box where all these people are making choices for me and all I want is for it to stop. Yet, I don't know how to make it stop and that makes me want to scream and thrash about. I have all this energy in my arms and my fists squeeze together but nothing I do will make the anger push itself out. I want to start punching someone, hard, over and over again until there is nothing left in my body. Probably not a good move, seeing as I'm sitting in the CIA and my desk is right out in the open. Right next to Laurens' desk, right near Vaughns' desk. Right there out in the open, where everyone can see me, right there in the open. Kill me now. Actually, scratch that first, open up my stomach, tear out my intestines, then step on them. Maybe that will take my mind off of seeing Lauren all over Vaughn. That whore, she's practically throwing herself at him. Oh right, they're married, she's allowed to do that. Bitch.

Ok, Agent Bristow, you are better than this, you can just get up and go to the debriefing without crying. Ya right. More like, Agent Bristow, get out that over used mask and pretend everything is alright so that your father and your co-workers won't suspect a thing. Don't forget to smile and act as if you have been getting enough sleep at night. So that's what I do. Hear about the next mission in which I have to go and retreave something or other with some weapon or something. I kind of zoned out after they told me that it was going to be Vaughn and me. Alone. On a mission. Alone. To a party. ALONE. That's ok. I'll just go to Marshall, get him to give me everything I need and then to explain to me exactly what I'm doing. Then Vaughn and I will board a plane to France, stay at a hotel together, share a room, go to a party, sneak into a room, steal a file, and then go back to the hotel to grab our stuff and get on a plane to L.A. Easy as pie. Pie's not that easy, I've tried, I burned it.

Breath Sydney. Just breath. Don't think about the fact that you are going to have to pretend to be his wife. Don't think about having to stop yourself from sleeping when he's around because then he'll know that you have nightmares. Don't think about the fact that he can't be around when you get out of the shower because then he'll see that your skin is raw from scraping at it to try to get all the dirt away from the last two years. Don't think about the fact that you will have to go to a party and wear one of the skimpiest outfits every. Just think about getting a manuscript that might help you decipher the Rimbahldi prophecy.

"Sydney, we might want to go over how we are going to act in public."

"What, oh ya uh sorry. Um what do you mean?" Oh god why is he talking to me?

" Well just that if we have to act married we are going to need to figure out pet names or something."

"You know more about that than I do." That's right, look uncomfortable.

"Ya. Dixon said that there will be no cameras in the hotel room but everywhere else is fair game. So remember that whenever we are in public, we are newlyweds and are madly in love." Like I could ever for get that. Instead I just nod and go back to looking out the window. I know he has gone back to his spot at the back of the plane and I'm thankful. I just need to get through the next couple of days. Just get through it. Please just, god, get through it.

Narrators' POV.

Each with a suitcase in hand Sidney and Vaughn walked into the hotel. They had already been given their key and the immediately went upstairs, to their room. Inside they found one bed, one closet, one bathroom, and one tv. One of each thing so they could share, because they were married and married couples shared. Sydney soon excused herself from his presence, the room choking her, and slipped into the bathroom. Leaning over the sink she tried to suck in enough air and to stop her head from spinning. Her side was throbbing from where she had found a scar. She couldn't remember how she had gotten it and she knew she should have told someone when it started burning, but she just never got around to it. Lifting her shirt she saw how read it was and gently poured some cold water on it trying to soothe the burn. It helped a little. She sucked in a deep breath and went back out into the room. Vaughn was putting away his things, hanging his suit up to the side, leaving room for her things. She moved to her suitcase and he watched her with a held back demeanor.

Noticing her wet shirt he looked at her questioningly.

"What's wrong with your stomach?" She put her hand over her stomach self consciously.

"Nothing. I just was, you know, hot." Vaughn looked at her but left it alone, seeing that she would say no more. She soon had everything put away and she sat down in front of the window.

"Sydney. We should probably sleep some before we go to the party, it might turn out to be a long night." She nodded and turned towards the bed, staring at it awkwardly. He made the first move and picked the left side. She slowly slipped under the covers and curled up, her back to Vaughn. Her whole body was tense and she dared not move, hoping Vaughn would fall asleep soon. She was not disappointed and he was soon deeply asleep. She gingerly came out of the blankets and tried to tip toe to the door.

"Syd?" She froze and turned to look at him. "You need to sleep, you look exhausted" She just stood there, not sure of what to do. She slowly moved back to the bed, not having another choice. Once in the bed she tried to keep still until he fell asleep but he knew what she was doing and he waited. Wanting to make sure she slept. She tried her hardest but could not stay awake and so she unwantingly fell into a fretful dream.

Vaughn got onto his elbows and moved closer to Sydney. She cried out in what sounded like fear. He moved towards her and pulled her towards him. At first she fought against him but he soon overpowered her. He tried to be gentle without getting hit and soon had her relaxing against him. She had collapsed against him and was now merely whimpering.

"Shhhh. Syd, you're ok, you're ok. Shhhhh."

Sydney did not wake but stopped whimpering and her breathing evened out. Vaughn gently lay her back down and resumed his position on the edge of the bed.

VAUGHN POV

Why is she having a nightmare? Has she been having them for a long time? What are they about? This was going to be along mission.

PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK!!!


	2. Chapter 2

IMPORTANT: THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING. I DOUBLE SPACED THE TYPING THIS TIME, TELL ME IF IT IS BETTER. I'M NOT SURE IF IT WILL SHOW UP AND THE WEBSITE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T LAST TIME. IF YOU HAVE IDEAS OF WHY PLEASE LET ME KNOW She awoke at a half past five and couldn't go back to sleep. It was the middle of the afternoon and she wasn't used to being asleep at this time. Actually, she wasn't sure if she was used to sleeping at this time. Maybe her schedule when she was missing had been to sleep through the day and work all night or, sleep half the day and then work the rest of the night. So many options and yet there was no answer. Slipping out of the covers she went into the bathroom grabbing a towel on her way in. Quietly entering the shower she turned the faucet to the highest temperature. Ignoring the pain it made run through her body. She started scrubbing her body, needing to get rid of the dirt she had dreamed of. She had had another nightmare the night before and she hoped that she had not woken Vaughn. She had known it was a bad idea to sleep. Once done with washing herself she stayed under the hot spray for another second, trying to clear her head. Knowing that it was useless and that she would never get her mind to be clear, she pulled herself out of the shower and rapped her body into the fluffy towel. It felt good against her burned and raw skin. She berated herself for not grabbing her clothes before taking a shower and resigned herself to the fact that she would have to go get them now. She tried to linger in the bathroom but finally forced herself to go and get her clothes. She was relieved to see that Vaughn was still asleep and she quickly grabbed her clothing. Baggy sweat pants and a sweatshirt. They looked even bigger on her than they used to, her body was now just a bag of bone. If you lifted up her shirt you could see every single rib and her hip bones stuck out. Pulling her mind away from that thought she blow dried her hair and then went back out into the room. The party was not until tomorrow and she new that they needed to get to know the other people in the hotel if they were going to get any information. With that in mind she wrote a short message for Vaughn letting him know that she had gone to meet people and that he would be able to find her down in the front lobby. Then, leaving it by the bed, she left and waited by the elevator. Many old couples lounged about, smelling musky as old couples do. But when she did arrive to the lobby she found younger women, all of them lounging with drinks in their hands. One of them in particular stood out to her. She was tall, perhaps five nine or five ten and had short blond hair. Her body was lean and walked with a grace only acquired with age and confidence. Walking towards the woman Sydney extended her hand and presented herself as Martha Blumberg, a newly married woman from Connecticut. "Rachel Marks, married for 14 years and from Chicago." Nodding Sydney made some small talk before excusing herself, saying she needed to go find her husband. She hurried up to her room and found that Vaughn was still asleep.  
  
"Wake up. There are people you need to meet. One specifically named Mr. Marks. Let's go!" Vaughn looked at her through heavy lids and dull eyes before groaning in complaint. But he gets up and moves towards the bathroom to take his shower.  
  
He hears her leave the room and he goes to turn on the water. He is surprised to see that there is something red in the bath rub. Something that looks like.................blood. He can track the blood to the washcloth and he picks it up. Either she was bleeding or she scraped her self with the towel so hard she made herself bleed. Either option is not very reassuring. Dispelling all these thoughts he continued getting cleaned up, trying to figure out how they were going to keep people from becoming suspicious until the party. Once ready he took the keys and went out into the hallway. He found Sydney staring out the windows that showed the ocean and little restaurants that were under them. "You ready to go?" He nodded and she went towards the elevator, only to be stopped by the alarm. She quickly looked at him, panic appearing on her face for a split second before being covered up again. He took her hand and led her to the stairs. But they were both stopped when men in black surrounded them. All the other occupants were long gone, having left when they had heard the alarm. A fight soon began and as much as the two of them fought, they could not over power the ten men and so, after much effort the men managed to knock both of them out. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sydney woke up to the feel of a cold concrete under her and a dull ache behind  
  
her eyes. She opened her eyes and immediately wished she hadn't. Above her was a  
  
concrete ceiling, no windows in sight and only one light, a florescent one. She rolled onto  
  
her back and groaned in pain. Forcing herself to sit up she looked around the small cell.  
  
She gasped as her eyes fell on Vaughn, who was still unconscious, his back against the  
  
wall.  
  
She quickly crawled over to him, trying to keep the nausea down, and pulled his  
  
head into her lap.  
  
"Vaughn, please wake up, please, please wake up." She rocked back and forth  
  
trying to will him awake. He groaned and her heart leaped with joy and she continued to  
  
try to wake him.  
  
"Please please. Vaughn I need you to get up. I really need you, please please  
  
please." Vaughn once again groaned and this time lifted himself up.  
  
"I'm awake, I'm awake." He kept his hand pressed against his head and looked  
  
around the cell.  
  
"Oh shit."  
  
"I second that." They looked to each other and both new that they had been made.  
  
Sydney was about to speak again when the door screeched open and a guard came in. He  
  
immediately moved to Sydney and she tried to fight back, aided by Vaughn. Yet, he  
  
overpowered them and dragged Sydney out of the cell. Vaughn yelled swears at the guard  
  
but they paid no attention and soon the door was closed and he was alone.  
  
They dragged her through the hallways and finally brought her to a small white  
  
room with one aluminum slat, raised from the floor, in the middle of the room. They  
  
dragged her to that slat and she fought, not wanting to get onto that slat. She hit her head  
  
a couple times before they got or onto the slat and tied down. She fought against the  
  
restraints until her wrists were raw and bleeding.  
  
"Now now, we wouldn't want you hurting yourself." She couldn't recognize the  
  
person in front of her, but she could recognize the needle in his hand. She started  
  
screaming, too worn out to try to put up a strong front. He smiled and it started.  
  
Vaughn paced, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. They had taken  
  
her, she had been gone for hours. Finally the door was pushed open and Sydney was  
  
thrown in. He rushed to her side and groaned in horror. Her shirt was torn and her  
  
beautiful skin was marred with burn marks, cuts, and bruises. Her wrists were bleeding  
  
profusely and all up and down her arms were needle marks. He lifted her shirt further and  
  
saw that bruises covered her ribs and he was quite sure that at least one was broken  
  
To his immense relief, Sydney opened her eyes groggily and moaned in pain.  
  
"Vaughn?"  
  
"I'm here baby. I'm here."  
  
PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK. I'M NOT SURE WHERE TO GO WITH  
  
THIS, I HAVE AN IDEA BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS WANT. 


	4. Chapter 4

THANK YOU VERY MUCH "THE UPTOWN GIRL" YOU HAVE REALLY HELPED ME WITH THE FORMATTING. AND DON'T WORRY "NAT" THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE STORY.  
  
She looked up at him with pained filled eyes, trying to see his face clearly through the haze that had taken over her body.  
  
"Where does it hurt sweetie?" She smiled weakly at him before responding.  
  
"Everywhere." He nodded and pressed on her ribs, extremely gently. She hissed as he hit one in particular and he immediately stopped.  
  
"Looks like they did a number on you." She let her eyes drift close and just listened to him speak to her. He murmured in French then translated into English, as if she couldn't understand.  
  
"Tu vas etre ok, je te prome. Il faux juste que tu reste revelle. Sa va alle, je te prome."  
  
"You'll be ok. I promise. You just need to stay awake, it's going to be ok. I promise."  
  
She ground herself to his voice, keeping her attention on him instead of the pain coursing through her body and stayed awake. Yet before she could really get comfortable the door flew open. In walked Sark. The guards grabbed Sydney, pulling her out of Vaughns arms. He gave a cry but the paid no attention.  
  
"Now, Mr. Vaughn, if you plan on keeping Sydney from anymore pain, you are going to have to tell us a few things." Before Vaughn could answer, Sydney rushed in.  
  
"No, Vaughn don't. Don't say anything." He could not look at her, he just turned towards Sark and nodded. He would not be able to ever look at himself if he was the cause of more of Sydney's pain.  
  
"First things first. How many Rhambaldi artifacts do you have?" Sydney screamed a no as Vaughn answered but was shut up by a kick in the stomach.  
  
SORRY FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS SOMETHING SOON. 


	5. Chapter 5

LARGEMARGE416, I'M SORRY THAT YOU WERE CONFUSED, SHE GOT BACK INTO THE CELL BECAUSE A GUARD THREW HER BACK IN, REMEMBER IN CHAPTER 3 IT SAYS IT, IN THE LAST PARAGRAPH.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, you have been very cooperative. Unlike our Agent Bristow who does not seem to see the sense in telling me all you know. Oh well. Goodbye for now, Agent Vaughn say good bye to Agent Bristow."  
  
Vaughn looked at Sark in horror as the guards pulled her out of the cell.  
  
"No, you lying son of a bitch. Bring her back." He banged on the door long after they were closed, playing Sydney's scream for him over and over again.  
  
He'd answered everything they'd asked, he was such an idiot. He had been blinded by the possibility that Sydney could be hurt some more and he had forgotten all the rules of a CIA agent.  
  
She was already beaten and he wouldn't be surprised if she had a concussion from being hit over the head. She was strong but this treatment was wearing her thin. She had only been here less than a day and already she was calling out to him in a plea for help. The Sydney he spoke to everyday would not do that.  
  
But there was not much he could do, he didn't even know how to contact Dixon or Marshall or even Weiss. He had no idea how Sark had known that they were there and the only possible conclusion was that there was definitely a mole in the agency.  
  
Sliding along the wall Vaughn crouched on the floor, letting his despair get the best of him. He had been able to stay somewhat strong when Sydney had needed him, but now he wasn't sure if he could hold it together. Letting his eyes shut, he thought of all the possible ways he could have saved Sydney this pain.  
  
The next conscious thing he heard was the door of his cell being thrown open. Opening his eyes in a hurry he gasped, standing in front of him was none other than Weiss and some other agent.  
  
They rushed in and Weiss told the agent to keep her gun aimed at the door.  
  
"Mike, man you ok?" He nodded and with Eric's help, stood up.  
  
"Sydney?"  
  
"She's not in here man. Do you know what they did with her?"  
  
"She was in here but they took her out, I'm not sure where they put her." Weiss nodded and pressed on the com link he had on his ear.  
  
"Marshall we're going to need some help here." 


	6. Chapter 6

"Ok, I'm looking for any sources of body heat here. Umm, oooh, there are some in the left corridor. No wait scratch that, sorry, those are a bunch of gaurds. Oooh but there's a room that looks heavily guarded with what looks to be, 3 people inside."  
  
Weiss motioned for Vaughn and the other agent to follow him and they followed the directions Marshall was giving them. Half way there Weiss turned to Vaughn questioningly.  
  
"Mike are you sure you want to go with us? We can get you out and then come back for Sydney."  
  
Vaughn shook his head, "They didn't hurt me except for the occasional punch, it's Sydney we should worry about." Vaughn's chest constricted when he realized how true his words were. They had barely touched him, focusing mainly on hurting Sydney.  
  
They continued on in silence, Vaughn holding up the gun that Weiss had given him, while the unknown agent held up the rear, making sure nothing surprised them from behind. They were soon around the corner from the room they suspected Sydney would be in. Silently motioning towards the guards, Weiss led them as they took down the 4 guards that were positioned at the door.  
  
They then blew through the door only to find that Sydney was the only one in the room. Somehow the other two people had escaped. Sydney was tied down to a metal bed in the center of the room, a gag in her mouth, she was naked. She screamed at them through the gag, pulling at the restraints that held her captive. Vaughn quickly undid them while taking in her injuries. Bruises were everywhere, her ribs, her legs, her arms. There were contusions all across her chest and arms. Furthermore, slash marks marred her perfect thighs and stomach. But what angered Vaughn the most were the bruises in the shape of hands on her inner thighs.  
  
He filed that away in his mind for later and returned his focus on covering Sydney up. There was a lab coat hanging on one of the pegs and he gently slipped that over her, while she undid her gag. She looked at Weiss and the other agent before holding out her hand. The unknown agent handed her a gun and they soon made their way out. Surprisingly, they were able to get outside without any trouble. A black van was waiting for them and as soon as they got in, it sped away.  
  
Unknown agents surrounded Sydney and Vaughn trying to find the major injuries. Most of them were focused on Sydney and she did not seem to like it. She kicked the first person to try and take away the lab coat. As soon as she got an opening, she scrambled to the other side of the van where Vaughn was being treated.  
  
He put a protective arm around her and gave a warning glare to the other agents trying to get to her. He new that she would have to seek medical attention soon but she was too frightened, and there was no way he would let it happen without him right beside her. She curled herself around him and waited as the agents made sure that he was alright. Once they were assured that he was not in any danger they once again focused their energy on Sydney. She answered violently.  
  
"Sydney, they need to check you out. I'll stay right with you, just let them take a look at you."  
  
She hesitated, knowing he was right, but not trusting these people near her. He took her moment of hesitation and moved her towards them. She clung to him as the lay her down on something soft and moved away the lab coat. She was then covered by a blanket which was lifted in different areas to check things out. She kept her eyes locked with Vaughn in fear.  
  
He kept her hand firmly in his and smiled reassuringly. Once they had lifted the bottom half of the blanket the agents gave each other a meaningful look.  
  
"Agent Vaughn," one of them spoke up, "once we get to the CIA hospital we are going to need to do a vaginal exam on her." He nodded understanding and looked down at Sydney. She was looking at him with more fear than he had ever seen on her beautiful face.  
  
"It'll be ok, I'll stay with you the whole time, I promise." It did not do much to stop her fear but it did keep her from noticing that one of the agents was giving her a shot. Her eyes began to droop and she looked at everyone through blary eyes. She was soon asleep and on a stretcher, ready to be brought into the hospital. 


	7. Authors note

AUTHORS VERY IMPORTANT NOTE-  
  
HEY, I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS JUST AN AUTHORS NOTE. ONE PERSON REVIEWED AND EXPRESSED THAT THEY DIDN'T WANT SYDNEY TO HAVE BEEN RAPED. I WAS PLANNING ON THE STORY GOING TOWARDS SYDNEY HAVING BEEN RAPED SO I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WANT. I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL PEOPLE HAVE REVIEWED AND EXPRESSED WHETHER OR NOT SYDNEY SHOULD BE RAPED IN THEIR OPINION. 


	8. Chapter 8

I'D JUST LIKE TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT I TAKE RAPE VERY SERIOUSLY AND THAT I WILL BE INCORPORATING IT INTO MY STORY BUT I DO REALIZE HOW SERIOUSE IT IS AND I AM READY TO TAKE THAT ON. IF SOMETHING ABOUT THAT BOTHERS YOU PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT, ONLY COMMENT ON OTHER THINGS.  
  
Vaughn's POV.  
  
They won't let me go with her, something about needing to have space to work. The hell with space, I need to be with her.  
  
Weiss contacted Dixon and he is contacting Lauren, I don't think I could talk to her right now.  
  
What am I supposed to say? Ya sorry for not being home sweetheart, I was away on a mission pretending to be the husband of the love of my life, and now she's hurt and I might lose her and I find that she's more important to me than you are.  
  
I'm sure that would go over real well.  
  
I made the doctor promise to come get me before they start the rape kit. He'd better or I swear I will rip his throat out and not feel bad about it.  
  
Some bastard touched my Sydney and I don't even know who it is. Well I can't jump to conclusions, I mean, maybe they didn't. Maybe they just, handled her roughly, maybe they didn't.  
  
Hope.  
  
Stupid stupid thing. It's deceiving and it keeps people from seeing the real picture. Sydney was raped and there is nothing I can do about that. And that is killing me inside.  
  
The CIA hospital won't let anyone come into the waiting room. They let me in because I was on the mission with her.  
  
Jack tried to come in but the guards wouldn't hear of it, even Dixon isn't allowed in. Part of me is thankful. I won't have to deal with telling them what happened, at least for now. Weiss was kicked out as soon as he started asking what had happened.  
  
I wouldn't answer and he smashed his fist through a wall, who knew he had it in him.  
  
A doctor is walking towards me and I immediately rise. He looks down sadly and I follow him.  
  
Sydney is on a bed, an IV sticking out of her delicate arm and a lot of other machines that I can't distinguish are beeping around her. They lead me to her and she immediately grasps for my hand.  
  
I sit next to her and lean my head down, whispering soothing words into her ear. I hope that my speaking will keep her mind off everything else these doctors are doing to her.  
  
I immediately know that's not going to happen when I feel her start to strain against me. Her eyes have glossed over and she's pulling her hand away from me, a look of desperation on her face.  
  
"I need to go, please just let me go."  
  
I keep the hold I have on her hand strong and look to the doctor helplessly. She inserts a needle that seems to have already been readied into Sydney's arm.  
  
I don't know if Sydney is afraid of what's to come or if she is reliving something. I don't think I want to know. She looks up at me, her face is a mask of fear and I'm not sure what to say to sooth her battered soul.  
  
Whatever was in the needle seems to have taken affect because her hand isn't pulling against mine any more and her whole body has relaxed. I continue to talk to her, trying not to pay attention to what they are doing to her. Maybe if I don't notice she won't.  
  
Because of the medicine she seemed to be calm and her eyes were focused on me until about 10 minutes into the exam. Then a whimper of pain escaped her lips and anger flailed in me instantly. I lift my face up just in time to see the doctor putting away everything.  
  
"Wait! She was in pain a second ago." The doctor nods and motions for me to come with her for a moment. I lay a gentle kiss on Sydney's forhead before following.  
  
"We have confirmed that Agent Bristow was raped but it doesn't look too bad. The only thing that I want to keep an eye on is the fact that she has so many cuts. It's to be expected of course but we just need to make sure everything heals correctly."  
  
I nod and turn my head to where Sydney is now lying still. She is staring straight forward and I don't think she even realizes that we are done. Whoever broke Sydney Bristow is going to pay. 


	9. Chapter 9

TOSHA, YOU WILL FIND OUT WHY SHE WAS UPSET BUT I'M AFRAID IT MAY TAKE A WHILE BECAUSE SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH BEING RAPED FIRST.  
  
I don't know how to swim. My dad paid for thousands of lessons and I know that on one of my last missions I swam across a river to a dock but, I can't swim.  
  
There are all these people around me and they keep talking to each other and holding my hand and I don't want them to. I'm dirty and I don't want them to see that.  
  
Vaughn says I get to go home in two days, he says I won't be alone. Why aren't I going to be alone? I live by myself, how is that not alone. Of course I didn't ask because after I managed to understand his words the water pulled me under.  
  
It got into my lungs and my brain and the only thing that made sense was that I couldn't swim and it was going to kill me. And then I could see again but Vaughn was the only one in room and I keep wondering how all those doctors got out of there so quickly.  
  
They could probably see how dirty I was and they didn't want to be a part of that. Good I don't want them to be dirty too.  
  
Mommy, I want my mommy. Where is my mommy, she will teach me how to swim, I know she will. Vaughn go get my mommy.  
  
No no, don't let go of my hand, just go get my mommy. Please don't let go of my hand.  
  
I'm being selfish, I'll get him dirty, he has to stop holding my hand, I'll get him dirty. But I can't say that because he's the only one who I will let hold my hand and it hurts when his hand isn't there to hold. It's cold and warm and it makes my heart stop hurting. Please don't let go.  
  
VAUGHN'S POV  
  
We're bringing her home today. They won't let me transport her in a normal car incase she has another panic attack. I don't see why they worry, they gave me enough anxiety medicine to keep her high on it for years. But then again, they've had to insert some into her system every few hours when they kept her in the hospital.  
  
As soon as she would start to become agitated and start mumbling about the water being too high, they stuck a needle straight into her. How do they expect her to get better if they suppress everything?  
  
Then again, during that time she won't let anyone else touch her. She whimpers and pleads until I throw them off of her and take her hand back into mine.  
  
Jack is letting me stay with her at her house. Only because the doctor told him that I was the only one she let touch her. For the billionth time these past 3 days I find myself ready to rip off every single limb of the person who did this to her.  
  
She hasn't spoken except to tell me to get her mother and then to beg me not to let go. That and to yell at the doctors to stop touching her and that she was dirty.  
  
My poor Sydney was broken and it was up to me to put her back together.  
  
She was asleep when the hospital car arrived at her house. I had to carry her in and I can't do anything but revel in the fact that she is here, hurting and in more pain than I can ever imagine, but here.  
  
This is the first moment I've had where she is not either gripping my hand in a death grip or screaming her lungs out and I finally realize something.  
  
She is alive and that's what matters. The torture could have killed her, but it didn't.  
  
I know I have to call Lauren and tell her that I have to stay here with Sydney. No, that I WANT to stay here with Sydney.  
  
Yet, before I get a chance to do that Sydney stirs. I think that this is the first time that she is not sedated and still not screaming. She blinks lazily a few times before moving her head to look at me. Her eyes are clear for a moment before the events of the last few days catch up with her.  
  
The change is almost instantaneous. She curls her body up and she starts to whimper. I move to get the medicine but her words stop me.  
  
"I don't want drugs. I don't NEED drugs. I need to find Sark, and kill him."  
  
"Ok, I won't give you any drugs." She grows silent again.  
  
"Do you want anything to eat, you haven't had anything solid."  
  
NARRATOR'S POV  
  
She looked up tentatively but all of a sudden her breath quickened.  
  
She sat up, a feeling of panic spreading through her body and making her let out a little whimper. He moved towards her and put his fingers under her throat, feeling her pulse. It was fast.  
  
"Easy. Easy. You're ok." He gently lay her back down, his hands supporting her as she slowly relaxed.  
  
"You're ok." She pulled out of his grasp in anger.  
  
"Of course I'm ok, I know I'm ok. It's too hot in here. It's hard to breath here, turn on my air-conditioning. Please!"  
  
Vaughn stepped back, surprised at the sudden change of personality, he looked at her questioningly. The room was rather cool; there was no way that she was hot.  
  
"Sydney. I'm going to get you a glass of water." She nodded.  
  
He went to the kitchen and pulled out a glass, trying to stop his hands from shaking so badly. Through out the whole time she had been in the hospital, not once had she been angry just panicked.  
  
Once he had the glass full of water he tried to take a deep breathe. He finally took the water to her and sat on the couch across for her.  
  
Her hands were shaking just as bad as his were a second ago. She tried to take a sip but the water sloshed onto the front of her shirt and she cursed. He took the cup from her and put it onto the table next to them.  
  
Her whole body started shaking and she fell forward, off the chair and straight into his arms. She tensed as she came in contact with his body but then relaxed. She shook and when he looked down at her, fear was across her whole face.  
  
He reached over to where the pills were and took one out.  
  
"Sydney, please, I promise this will make it better. Just open your mouth." She did and he slipped the little pill in, then taking the cup of water and bringing it to her lips. She drank and then turned to bury her head into his shoulder. Soon sleep over took them both. 


	10. Chapter 10

SYDNEY POV  
  
I wake up and I swear it feels like I'm breaking through the water. I can actually see what is going on around me and I can hear the sounds that are around me.  
  
I'm in Vaughn's arms. He's holding me and it feels nice. It feels like his hands are wiping away what all those other men put on me.  
  
I try to put those other men out of my head, but I don't seem to have any control over my mind and I'm soon going under the water again. My body stiffens up and it's so tense it hurts.  
  
I think that he just woke up because there's another noise over everything else. I can feel all their hands on me and they burn. But then there's another hand, one that's pushing all the other ones away.  
  
Please, oh please make them go away.  
  
VAUGHN'S POV  
  
Sleeping is one of those things I never got enough of. And it doesn't seem like that is going to change now.  
  
Sydney's awake again and the panic has set in again. She's as stiff as a board and fighting against an invisible opponent. I put a calming hand on her back and start to stroke the length of her vertebrae. She relaxes a little bit but it takes at least ten minutes for her to become limp in my arms.  
  
"Syd? Do you want anything to eat?" She looks up at me and I'm glad because her eyes seem clearer and she seems to understand what I'm telling her.  
  
"What can I have?" I sit her onto the couch and move to the little kitchen. Opening the refrigerator I find.....not much.  
  
A yogurt, a banana, and......old cheese.  
  
"Sydney? What have you been living on these last few months?" She just stares at me, her eyes vacant again and her expression one of pain. I sigh and grab the yogurt and a spoon. I open it for her and bring it back to the couch.  
  
She stretches her hand out for it and I lay the spoon on the coffee table.  
  
"I have to make a phone call, eat." I grab my cell phone and move into the bathroom. Dialing my home phone number I wait for someone to pick up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Lauren. It's me."  
  
"Sweatheart, thank god. I called Agent Weiss and he said that you were no longer at the hospital."  
  
"I know, um I'm with Sydney. She, she needs someone right now and I'm the only one she'll let help her."  
  
"When are you coming home?"  
  
"Well I'm going to need to pick up some clothing." I know that's not what she's asking but what do I say? I can't very well tell her 'never'.  
  
"Oh, alright, I'll get some ready for you."  
  
"Thanks, I'll ask someone else to get them actually. I'm not sure if I can leave Sydney right now." With that I hang up and move back towards the living room.  
  
Sydney hadn't touched her yogurt at all. He sat down next to her, keeping his eyes on his hands which were together in his lap. For what seemed like an eternity, they sat there in silence.  
  
"You don't have to stay here just because you feel bad."  
  
I'm taken aback by her statement. Is that what she thinks? That I feel guilty and that's why I'm staying here? I say this to her and she looks down, obviously ashamed.  
  
"I stay with you because I care. Because we need each other and because I don't want to wake up one morning and find out that you killed yourself." Her head snaps up to look at me, there is anger in her eyes.  
  
"Is that what you think I'm going to do? Just because I was..Ra-aped doesn't mean that I'll kill myself." She stumbles over the word rape and a sob almost escapes her beautiful lips.  
  
"No I mean. Yes, maybe." I mentally kick myself. Could I be any more insensitive and stupid?  
  
"Well if that's why you're staying, you can just go, I don't need you here." She turns away from me, her chin held high. If it were anybody else they would have fallen for her semblance of strength. But he knew better. Her chin was trembling slightly and he could see the dark circles under her eyes, not to mention the almost unnoticeable clamminess of her skin. Which meant that she was upset, it always happened when she had cried or had been through a lot of stress.  
  
"That's not the reason I'm staying, nothing you say will push me away. You can't give me a reason to leave you." With that he took her yogurt and brought it to the kitchen. 


End file.
